I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
