Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize