that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
