Small penises have feelings too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize