everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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