Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
