why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
