It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
