I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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