i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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