and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
