new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
