Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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