things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How's work?
Spinning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
