i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
