Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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