I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
