We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
