I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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