with your own penis?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize