I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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