hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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