Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
