The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize