She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
