your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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