God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
