I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
