keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh god it's open bar.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
