Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
