His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
