apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
