break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you had me at cake vodka
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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