The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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