I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
