how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
