The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
