I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He did a backflip because drugs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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