I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
