He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I love you.
Bad choice
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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