At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
