And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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