Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
