Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
