i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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