i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize