so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
