i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
