I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
