i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
