All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize