yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
