My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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