i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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