She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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