Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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