So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
