I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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