I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
send nudes
from the living room?
I did not marry a roomba.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
