Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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