It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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