Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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