Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
