I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
