I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize