We're facebook friends in real life
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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