The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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